NEVER GOING BACK!!!!!

Okay world......I have been a workaholic this week.  I had some projects and deadlines that took me back to the pre-healthy and fit me.  The me that hurt and ached every single day.  I put in far too many hours at work this week and that was after returning from Vegas on Tuesday afternoon!   I SAT at my desk Thursday for 20 hours!!!!  Ok, I ran out and grabbed food and went to the bathroom a couple times.  But really, I SAT all day without any exercise.  I hurt so bad when I got home.  I was angry.  I was miserable.  I HATED the way I felt.  But I had deadlines that were fast approaching and work to be done.

I worked 12 -16 hour days the other days.  At least Wednesday I went to boot camp class that night and I took a 30 min run during the day.  Friday, I sat again all day with a short walk around the parking lot in the late afternoon.  But I had no cardio and no weights and after another long day following Thursday I was again MISERABLE!

This morning I went to Zumba.  After two days of not exercising, I was hurting at Zumba in my left leg and hip.  I could not do some of the things in class today which never happens in Zumba.  I was very frustrated with my legs that weren't cooperating.  It hurt.  They didn't want to move.  My brain was telling them to do one thing but I was really struggling to make it work.  It was an eye opener for me in how I ended up where I was a few months ago where the pain prevented me from doing things, so I didn't.  Work took precedence and it was common for me to be there until all hours of the night sitting at my desk for 12, 14, 16,, and 18 hours if needed.  And when one is working those stupid hours, there is something else that comes with the territory......it's EATING!

I mean if one is sitting for that long.......what better way to pacify oneself during the time than to eat.  If I can't exercise....just eat...right?  Well.........I didn't eat out of control, but I gotta say it was not my normal eating this week.  Portion sizes were larger than normal.  I was eating when not hungry.  I didn't plan and prepare like usual.  It didn't help that I was in Vegas for 3 days on a business trip.  It was definitely an off week.

So add together lack of sleep, high stress, poor eating, no exercise and sitting at a computer/desk for 12 + hours was a reminder to the life I am NOT going back to!!!!  I don't know how I'll fix these stressful or busier work times but I will find the balance.  I MUST find the balance.   I was so angry when I didn't get to exercise.   I hurt horrible from not exercising.  I felt crabby and mean.  I was depressed.  I was stressed out.  I hated everything about this week and what it did to me.  It hit home this morning at Zumba when my legs wouldn't work.  I really realized at that moment the toll this week took on me mentally and physically.  I won't go back to where I was last November!

I need my sleep.  I need to eat healthy and portion sizes that are reasonable.   I MUST exercise EVERY day!   I will make sure I am squeezing in some sort of exercise so that I don't feel like I'm going to rip someone's head off or my own, and especially my family's.  I need to drink water when I'm stressed, not more coffee to work longer and sleep less!

Tomorrow is a new day.  I'm smarter.  I'm going to try this again.  I'm still stressed.  I'm still behind at work.  I still have a lot on my plate right now at work but I WILL find balance.  I am determined.  I will do everything I can to stay focussed and manage my time, work hard, work smart, and LIVE smart.  I am never going back to where I let myself land the past several years.  I am a machine living a healthy life now and forever.  Thank you to everyone in my life who supports this decision and stands by me as I make decisions to live this lifestyle!